Learning From a Terrorist

It would seem unthinkable in America to, rather than execute a man responsible for numerous terrorist or extremist actions, elect that man to public office.  Those in the US might find such a concept unthinkable in the Western World, and that the only way this could be possible in ANY country is if that country were some sort of evil totalitarian regime.

So I would like to introduce you to a government the locals call Stormont.  This government is led by two men with equal power, the First Minister and Deputy First Minister (The FM represents the majority population and the DFM the minority population however, as stated, they share equal power).  The FM in the 80's led about 500 people in a protest that involved attacking police and police stations in its wake.  During a trial involving another violent incident the judge described him as an extremist.  The DFM was involved with terrorist activity at a young age having led the youth wing of a major terrorist organization.  Later this man was in a major leadership role withing that organization and was arrested while possessing hundreds of pounds of explosives as well as several thousand rounds of ammunition.  The difference is that these two men were, and in some ways still are, on different sides of a centuries old conflict.  The difference is that because they are in Stormont they are fulfilling a part of a powersharing agreement that is bringing peace to their region.

Naturally if you know anything about me you know I'm talking about Northern Ireland but I think it deserves to be said that while that region still isn't all sunshine, puppies, happiness and rainbows it is getting better and not because the terrorists and extremists were all killed, but rather because they went into politics.  Don't let the photo above of them smiling with the President fool you, they still don't get along but they know that violence won't solve anything because they've tried it.  I'm not some American with head in the clouds romantic ideas of hands across the baricades rhetoric, I've spent a good deal of time learning about Irish history and simply feel that such a history, as well as such a present, has a great deal to say about the human condition.

I recently started reading Killing Rage by Eamon Collins in which Mr. Collins writes of his time in the Provisional IRA, the spirit of being caught up in this greater cause that began to feel like it may not be so great afterall.  I found several quotes in his introduction striking, but this one particularly so:
(contents of brackets and change of typeface for emphasis were added by me)

"... I do not want to see another death in pursuit of this[/an] abstract concept.

I no longer believe in Utopian solutions to complicated and intractable problems. One person's Utopia usually means another person's hell.  We live in a state of uncertainty, not just in Northern Ireland, but by virtue of being human. What I have tried to do over the last decade is to subject my former beliefs to ruthless scrutiny. Instead of searching for ways to confirm my beliefs, I have searched for ways to prove them false. When, after dispassionate examination, you cannot prove your beliefs false, then perhaps you are on the way to discovering some sort of truth." (pg 6)

Earlier on the page Collins comments specifically referring to the Catholic and Protestant populations of Northern Ireland though it can easily be applied in a more universal manner to simply say that

'violence separates us from those with whom we have the most in common- those with whom we are placing ourselves in direct opposition.' 

Think of all those stories of people who grew up in segregated areas whether it was racial, religious, class, etc.  Why is it that the seeming concern of a prejudiced parent is not that something bad might happen to their child if they mixed with the other side, the concern more frequently seems to be that their child might actually like "those people" and we just can't have that now can we?  Maria Elena encountered racial and religious tension when she married Buddy Holly, Bono's parents encountered the Protestant/Catholic tension.  Isn't that terrifying? What if a Cougar fan isn't all that different from a Husky fan... worse yet what if a Yankees fan has something (other than baseball) in common with a Red Sox fan?  Republicans could get along with Democrats? (or... gasp! Marry one another? Heavens no, that might produce a child like me, it's highly unrecommended.) What if one who espouses a Pro-Life ideology finds out that a person who espouses Pro-Choice positions does so because they see it as a way to actually reduce abortions and despise the thought of abortion just as much as the most ardent Pro-Lifer?

Goodness!

We might have dialogue.

Why on earth would we want that?

My Seattle Scene: Part 1 of... who knows.

Why I believe in God:

I've recently been trying to spend some time exploring my new neighborhood and doing my best to do so on foot.  Just about a mile away from my new place is this cool little new and used bookstore that has a pub downstairs and inside is a Greek restaurant (that's Seattle for you).  Of course I wanted to go in and check it out and while browsing in the Religion section I came across this book: 50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a god. I was curious.  There is a certain sort of person that can drive me up a wall, and many may think I am actually thinking of two different types of people but I assure you that to me they are the same.  There are those who are particularly reliant on apologetics as a way to prove their faith to others - trying to find an answer to every question a person critical of their faith might ask.   Every little piece of their faith must be literally true or the faith cannot exist and so they must be able to prove all their reasons for believing.  The other kind of person is not religious, they may be a militant atheist or simply critical of organized religion.  They spend their time finding a way to break down all of the answers that apologetics provides to the first group.  However they may define their perspective they place themselves at a point in opposition to religion. The only thing that separates these two groups is that the second has managed to pull the one thread that causes faith to unravel and because every single tiny little piece of that faith cannot be proven to be literally true it all falls apart at the seams, but if in fact one small piece can be disproved then the faith must entirely cease to exist.  These people believe the same things about faith, I simply think that one has just followed those beliefs through to completion.

While I was in the bookstore I picked this book up because I was skeptical as to its purpose.  Was it trying to give people reasons to take up faith, or more likely prove the silliness of those who hold it?  I must confess I never looked at it long enough to find out, and while I posted links so you could find the book on Amazon I myself never looked further than the table of contents.  I became disinterested when I discovered that my reason for believing is God never made the list.  There certainly were items listed among the 50 reasons in the table of contents that I absolutely believe, please don't misunderstand me on that point.  For instance one in particular has to do with God sending his son to die for my sins, I DO believe that, but it's not WHY I believe in God it is part of what I believe about Him.  There were lots of mentions on the list having to do with science and evolution and again, I found these to be silly reasons to believe in a god, if my God is all powerful and created all things then whatever science is it is of Him and so my faith is not dependent on how complete or incomplete our understanding may be of the scientific world.  Some reasons seemed to deal with "fire insurance" (believing in God so one doesn't go to hell) and believing because I'm afraid not to, entirely regardless of my theology of heaven or hell, also seems ridiculous and indeed a very shallow faith.  There were also reasons to do with how many believed in the reason giver's particular religion, the silliness of this being that any one person from any number of world religions could boast of the thousands or millions of others who also believe.  I could go on summarizing the list but you might as well just check it out for yourselves, you can use the Amazon "look inside" feature to look at the list in the table of contents.

The man who wrote this spent a great deal of time asking a lot of people why they believe in their god.  The first reason given is "My god is obvious".  Perhaps I should have titled this blog "The moment I realized I might be a Calvinist after all" because obvious as the reason giver's god may be, there are plenty of people who are oblivious.  I was, on the whole, disappointed with the list.  I have one little answer to this question that didn't make it, and I know that I cannot be alone I just think few of us are ever really honest enough with ourselves to give this response. We take on the defense and try to give reasons that may prove God to the world but that's not what the question is asking.  I think maybe Donald Miller has a point, maybe it's not a pure Calvinist predestination that decides whether or not I believe in God but it isn't all my choice alone either, in his book Blue Like Jazz Mr. Miller says "Believing in God is as much like falling in love as it is making a decision. Love is both something that happens to you and something you decide upon."  Both parts are necessary for the whole, for lack of a better term the "thing" has to happen, and you have to decide to believe, just one or the other cannot constitute believing.  Of course no decision can exist without this "thing" happening, but if it happens and a choice is made against it or no choice is made at all then belief could not exist.  You have to be chosen before you can choose.  Of course in suggesting this then I suppose there would be the question of selective or universal election which, aside from acknowledging the elephant, I am going to avoid like the plague for right now.  Then of course there is my ever favorite Bono quote from Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas in which he says "When I look at the cross of Christ, what I see up there is all my s*** and everybody else's. So I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked: Who is this man?... And no one can talk you into it or out of it."

All of this is to say that my reason for believing in God doesn't come as some piece of proof, from extensive study of apologetics or the fact that as I drove on I-5 today on a clear day in Seattle I saw the Olympic mountain range and was awestruck.  These things can perhaps be helpful in their proper context, but if asked why I believe in God, the only answer I will choose to give is this:

Because I just do.

Almost there...

The last time I made a post I was still in school in Miami and working on the hunt for a post-graduation job.  I intentionally didn't post anything because not only did the last post refer readers to my resume website but it also spoke to how I view youth ministry and I figured it was a good one to leave up while I was in the process of looking for a job.

Naturally an update is in order as to what I've been up to since then.  I graduated from FIU and after staying with my parents for a few weeks applying for jobs I was offered a position working the night shift at a shelter for homeless youth in Seattle.  After roughly a week-long road-trip that included stops in New Orleans (just for the night), Lubbock, TX, the Grand Canyon, and Walla Walla I arrived in Seattle a week ago.  I found an apartment right away but stayed with a friend (who also helped me out getting the job in the first place, I probably owe her my first born child now) for several days before I could move in earlier today.  My first shift starts tonight (technically Friday AM) so I've been pulling an all nighter to adjust to the sleep schedule and I'm almost there.  I get to sleep at about 9am (12pm EST) so that I can be up by 5, around the time my new roommate will be getting home from work and then we may go check out the art walk downtown before we come back here and I get ready to head to work.

In spite of how crazy this schedule will be I am very excited to be back in the Northwest, my new roommate is really cool and I think this next year will be a blast.

Pieces of Magic

First of all I launched a website advertising the fact that I am hunting for a job, most specifically relating to Youth Work, but hey who knows, just check it out. http://www.maggiealmalee.com


As to my actual blog: Pieces of Magic


Several months back I gave a sermon at the Lighthouse in which I mentioned some of my greatest passions: Music- most specifically the band U2, Baseball-the Seattle Mariners, and Movies- almost any of them but I love historical dramas and anything with an Irish or Celtic bent.  Of course that sermon came only a couple weeks after seeing the M's play in Tampa immediately followed by an amazing U2 concert at Raymond James Stadium, also in Tampa Bay (it's good to have family up there!)  The particular movie I mentioned in my sermon was The Departed in which Leonardo DiCaprio's character is being asked by the undercover unit "Do you want to be a cop or do you want to appear to be a cop?" My text was from James' Epistle regarding true religion and my question was "Do you want to be a Christian, or do you want to appear to be a Christian." Some people who like to play up the 'persecution complex' might argue that people wouldn't want to "appear" to be Christian, it's not that popular.  I would argue that they should ask a politician about that.  Appearing to be a Christian gets you elected, it implies you have values whether you do or not, in *America* it makes you look good.  What I wanted to ask, was do you actually want to *BE* a Christian.  So, using Music, Baseball, and Movies I made my case.


I love these things because I find magic in them.  Not the "Oh no, demons!" sort of magic that hyperactive uptight Christians worry about, but a kind of beauty, love, joy, and maybe even hope.  They're all art to me.  Yes, even baseball.  A player's swing, pitch, catch or throw are all an art form that he perfects.  An aging player- once a legend- steps up to the plate, hoping that maybe this time he can prove that he's not washed up and that *this* time will show everyone that he's still got "it" whatever "it" is.   Baseball does this like no other sport, it's why they wrote the book and made the movie "For Love of the Game" although I think Brett Favre in his refusal to retire also embodies this sentiment.  Legends are better than rookies even if rookies are better players in this moment.  I love to see Michael Saunders play well but to see him hit a home run means nothing next to seeing Griffey do the same, Saunders hasn't earned it yet I suppose.  So I'll watch game after game and hope my boys win and I'll take that any day over a sure thing like the Sox, Rays and certainly over the Yankees.  Though I must admit after the Mariners, I am a bit of a Rays fan and am glad to see them do well I would still have preferred for *MY* boys to have won this last series when they visited Tropicana Field.  Throughout juicing controversies and player strikes over salaries  I still believe in this game, it still holds magic for me.  Maybe it's because I got hooked watching Edgar Martinez play, or maybe it's because I remember listening to the audio book of "For Love of the Game" on a road trip with my dad.  Nonetheless I believe in this game and the unifying effect it has on communities.  Consider what it meant to Seattle the day we were told that not only was it decided that our team would try to trade for Griffey but that he wanted to come back after that roller-coaster ride he put us on with Atlanta.  What about when that book came out claiming Boone was juicing?  Sure, I guess it's possible but I choose not to believe it.  But what if he was? we've learned that A-Rod was and like all Seattle fans I'm proud to say it was after he left us and it serves him right for getting caught.  Then there's McGwire, and Bonds and whoever else you care to name... and we start to ask the question... has it lost the magic? Has baseball lost the magic it once had?


No, it has failed, it has lost its way but it can be redeemed.  A number of players decided they wanted to "appear" to be baseball players, but they didn't want to be actual baseball players- they didn't want to work for it.  Baseball still has magic, there's still Edgar, Griffey, Ichiro, and Randy Johnson... pardon me if I just name off a handful of amazing Mariners and former Mariners.  There is still magic in the game, the good guys just need to reclaim it.  Maybe there's even room for the bad guys to redeem themselves but if they want to do it they'll have to admit that they were wrong in the first place, no more of this "but I didn't know" stuff.


Movies and music? Well they're a different story.  I recently wrote my senior thesis on how St. Thomas Aquinas viewed women and how that has affected the role of women in the church ever since.  It wasn't a great paper, I got a "B" which was suitable.  My area of history is much more in the Modern or Contemporary eras and yet the best senior seminar available to me last semester focused on Medieval Classics, so I took what I could get.  Aquinas, I argued, had a view of women as inferior not only physically but spiritually and intellectually as well.  This was disappointing because if he wasn't talking about women he had some profound and beautiful things to say.  Alas what I wrote about was Aquinas, Women and the Church.  So to movies and why that has anything to do with Aquinas and what he thought about women, I recently saw 'Robin Hood' and not only loved the strong Character of Maid Marion as played by Cate Blanchette, but loved the respect given her by Robin Longstride (Robin Hood as played by Russell Crowe) and simple dignity as should be afforded any human being.  I have similar sentiments toward the portrayal of Guinevere in 'King Arthur' by Keira Knightly (Arthur portrayed by Clive Owen) these are strong women who support strong men, not some distressed maidens in need of saving.  These are women like Ruth and Esther, Jesus' mother (need I go on?) Women who accept their call alongside or in spite of the men in their lives (who ultimately also take up the call if they haven't already).  I also recently re-watched "A Good Year" another Russell Crowe film.  In this movie Russell Crowe plays the epitome of a selfish jerk.  He's a risky and successful banker who trades stock in London.  He learns of the death of is beloved Uncle who lived on a beautiful vineyard and chateau in France.  Max (Crowe's character) must go to settle details with the estate and in the process rediscovers the simple life.  When people complain about the values pushed by Hollywood I tend to wonder if their lens is far too narrow.  Sure, there are problems to worry about with the exploitation of sexuality, but what about commercialism?  Isn't over consumption and greed also a problem?  Does Hollywood not deal with such issues appropriately? All of the sudden we see the transformation of a man from extreme greed, to simplicity and an appreciation of humanity.  Is such a transformation not to be celebrated?  I love this film, I find it beautiful and it makes me want to learn French, although it also makes me want to revisit German even though there is only one German word spoken in the whole film.


I also seem to have an extreme love for linguistics which is perhaps why I have yet to master any language other than my native tongue.


Music... I have the same problem with learning instruments that I have with learning languages... I love them all and want to learn them all at the same time.  Thus I can play a handful of notes (speak a handful of words) on a handful of instruments (in a handful of languages) but I have mastered none.  When I listen to music or go to a concert after appreciation I feel envy.  One of these days I will find the art form in which I can express myself like others do.  Bono talks about how he wakes up every morning with a melody in his head and while he can almost get it out with the help of his band (without which he finds himself helpless) it is never quite the same as what he hears in his head.  I know the feeling but at the moment I don't even have a mode of expression much less a band to help me.  Thus far I seem good at rambling in a blog. :-P
A recent song I've been enchanted by is by "A Rocket Summer" it's called "Do You Feel" and the lyric is beautiful, the Music Video to accompany it perfectly accents a quality not as common in the current music industry.  The song is about  our responsibility to change our world, to make it better in some way, but we have "our own things" our own problems and because we have "our own things" we can just push aside the rest of the world. It's fine, we can't deal with the weight of the world anyway. "Do you feel, the weight of the world singing sorrow?  Do you? Or is it just not real? Cause you got your own things, yeah we all got our own things I guess."  I have ADD (and *I* do) so I forget, and the world isn't my problem, I didn't start this "I guess my mind wanders off, from time to time, Sometimes I convince myself that all is fine, and the world It's not mine. Why should I have to try to fix things I didn't create or contrive?" Another question is asked "Can you feel the souls behind what's going on?"


What strikes me as important behind these words comes in the final line of the song, following the chorus "Do you feel, the weight of the world singing sorrow?  Do you? Or is it just not real? Cause you got your own things, yeah we all got our own things" is the line "And I can't get past these things."  Quite often what brings change in our society are the young people, and this is their cry.  The church tends to look at the youth and say "They are our future" which is SAD.  The youth are in the church NOW, they're right here and they need the body.  These are youth who can't see beyond "their own things" and it is the duty of the church to help them "past these things" so they can fulfill what God has called them to.  Does their mind wonder off? They could have ADD all that a kid with ADD needs is someone to remind them what is important, someone to keep them on task, a kid with ADD who can stay on task (especially without the aid of a drug) has a mind that is open to beautiful and creative things but by nature of their condition they cannot do it alone and their parents can't do it all the time AND put food on the table, can you help them?  What about the kid with a rough home life?  The one who doesn't fit in?  This IS NOT just their parents' job, or their youth director's job, it is YOUR job too!  It takes a village remember?  Maybe they need another brother, sister, parent, maybe they need another grand parent... what are *YOU* going to do about it?  Doe you have "your own things"? Or can you help?


Is it enough that they are financially successful?  Is it even enough that they married well and raise their 2.5 children properly?  Shouldn't we be here for more than money and procreation?  If you can access a computer and read my blog (even if you have to read it from a borrowed computer) then you are privileged and have a responsibility to the world because you are called to it.
True religion is this: To care for widows and orphans in their distress and to remain unstained by the world. - James.

A Different Rap...

I enjoy rap music, but lets be honest my taste in rap is probably detestable to a true fan. Who are my favorite rappers? John Reuben and Will Smith. However I don't understand why people get down on Will Smith, he did win THE First Rap Grammy... it kind of does make him more legit than anyone else, but whatever. John Reuben on the other hand is a Jewish-Christian White Guy... he's pretty much the opposite of your basic rapper stereotype. The truth is I like them because they have some lines that resonate with me and I really don't care whether or not anyone else considers them to be good, I like them so I listen to them.

These lines are from the end of Will Smith's song "Why?" a Song about Will trying to explain to his kids not only why planes were flown into the twin towers, but also why we chose to bomb middle eastern countries later:

Can't explain it baby, life is just really crazy
I mean if it's world wars or the life of a little baby
We got more stores than they got rice under Buddha lazy
You live four scores an' still it be driving you crazy
But for me I try to see the bright side
Sometimes it'd be like the goodness be tryin' to hide
Then try to flee, but it can't it's deep inside
Sweetie, you be the light for others, make 'em believe in God

[BRIDGE - Mary J. Blige:]
Mmmmm, souls are captured
Dreams are stolen, hearts are broken
Evil blatantly rewarded
Hate surrenders, Love exalted
Hope elated, negativity is shorted

My favorite John Reuben album is the Boy vs the Cynic and the album is a balance between his boyish playfulness and his cynicism the title track has these lines that have been stuck in my head for a while:
Don't mistake innocence for ignorance
Don't mistake purity for inexperience
Don't mistake humility for weakness
I sincerely mean this
You understand more than you know
There's no goal like peace of mind
So what else are you trying to find
What's left except regret and heartache
And yes your heart will break and go numb lots of times before this life is done
You'll look for answers but there's just one
Patience one day it will make sense
But waiting is a pinch waking you up from the worlds you've made up
The one where you dream and the one where you gave up
Time to create a new atmosphere where the boy and the cynic can both play fair

Another favorite off the album is "What about them?" a song about how as American Christians we get tunnel vision as if we're the only ones here the whole song is worth reading:
(chorus)
Puff the magic Jesus
Floats around the universe
The United States is His favorite place on the whole entire earth
So sing your songs and wave your flag
And thank the Lord for all you have
But what about them?
Did you forget about them?

We came we conquered never speak of this again
Life Must go on let's not think of them
Things are comfortable now the pioneers have settled in
A perfect blend of progress and pale skin
For our sake and those to come
We'll rewrite the text so you can forget where you came from
Tell it in a way that will build your self esteem
Repackage the product and sell the American dream

(chorus)

History is best forgotten and even better rewritten
And since there's no forgetting let's remember it different
Commit to it so strongly till you believe it
The truth is there but you aren't able to receive it
You need to know you're safe here
Hide your face here cuz you found your faith here
But four walls with no windows doesn't mean you're it
Four walls with no windows doesn't mean they don't exist

(chorus)

What a prosperous, wondrous place
Remember to say grace before we scrape our plates
And ignore the crying outside the door sure
You'll pray for their burdens but you don't want to make it yours
Thin lines divide but there's a world of difference
So crawl back into your happy existence and feel the bliss of ignorance keep you warm
Blessed are those who mourn but it's so foreign
The more you have the less you care
The less you care the more you become unaware
And sure life's not fair but it favors us apparently
And how are we to interpret this excess
Is it God's favor, ill-behavior, or simply man's modern progress?
God bless us as we sweep this mess under the rug
Don't want to walk barefoot on the tile and step in the mud
Out of sight out of mind and pushed to the side
Left for someone else to rationalize and justify

YYH4HS2SK2B2

So... I Saw Desmond Tutu Last Night....

Um, the man's awesome, what can I say?  It was amazing being able to see him in person last night.  One of the most powerful times I have heard him speak was the night he was on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Yes, that's right, the guy that's on at 12:30am after Letterman.  I wanted to share that here:















And a later comment from Ferguson (7 months later I think) about "The Guest who Changed His Life":

'God is near to the brokenhearted'

In the last couple months, friends and even a family member have experienced a loss in one capacity or another. Be it death, or the disintegrating of a relationship. At this moment I feel so removed from that sort of grief.  There was a season in my life where that sort of grief was not preeminent, but it was ever present.   I mean to say that the losses were not my best friends or immediate family though they were, of course, still significant and seemingly constant.


I've heard that we don't truly start processing death until our thirties, as if the possibility becomes more real then. Maybe that is true, but when I was in high school it felt pretty real.  Just about once every month (or so it seemed) I would be donning the dark clothing and heading off to someone's funeral.  I can tell you this, death does not care how old you are, what you have done with your life, if you are ready, if your family and friends are ready, it just does not care.  The idea of someone dying too young is simply ridiculous, we die when we die.  Not to diminish the hurt or the loss, but the reason we measure infant mortality rates is because such a rate exists.  During that time in my life it could have been anyone. The guy who would say 'hi' to me every morning that I would just ignore because I was trying to act all 'holier than thou', until one day he wasn't there because he collapsed on the football field and never woke up.  My friend's younger sister who always just seemed really annoying.  An old babysitter, a teacher, that sweet lady I always talk to in church but can never remember her name - even though she felt like a grandmother to me.  All the way through my sophomore year of college when my own grandmother died along with two women who had been like grandmothers to me right at home.


Open caskets are the worst.  I remember going to two funerals in which parents chose to have open caskets for their teenage daughters who had been undergoing chemo when they died.  Who does that? Who wants everyone to remember their child as that weak, frail, hairless body? At best the undertaker makes them look like plastic as little old ladies file by muttering to each other "Well, she looks nice, doesn't she?" all the while you want to scream "NO! She doesn't look nice, she looks DEAD!"


Truth be told, the people who had cancer or leukemia were easier to handle.  It's the random aneurysm and freak accident that get to you.  The healthy athletic guy who sits next to you in 6th period having a sudden heart attack.  By chance he actually lived, to tell the truth, but I'm under no illusions that it would not have been possible for him to die.


Then, for someone else, there is the girl of his dreams who has a dark secret her family never told him about because they thought, with him, she was turning over a new leaf. Sadly, they were wrong. (Wait are we still talking about death?) To quote P.S. I love you there's a Mother/Daughter conversation between Holly (Hillary Swank) and her mother Patricia (Kathy Bates):

Holly: "My husband died. He was taken. He didn't wanna go, he didn't wanna leave."

Patricia: "Yes, my husband wanted to leave. And it's so much easier being abandoned by choice, is it?"

I recall a man I knew in church opening up during a meeting when we were asking for prayer requests asking for prayer while he was in grief over his divorce. It was a long time coming, but as he expressed the finality of the ending of the marriage felt a lot like a death. While death may not care about age, grief doesn't care whether the person is still alive, or if they betrayed you.  The loss still hurts, and you still grieve.

What is important about loss and grief, is who you become on the other end. How do you intend to let that shape you?

I grew up to learn that that guy who collapsed on the football field was someone who, as a Christian, I should have sought to emulate rather than looking down my nose at him. I learned that even the annoying kids are worth something, and how important names are not just to the people they belong to. My "other grandmothers" taught me the value of adopting others into my family. Though it was regrettably through their passing, I learned a great deal about my teacher's lives that had far more value than academics, rather I learned about living life as a responsible and loving human being.

When the pain subsides, that guy will meet woman and wonder how he possibly could have thought that other girl was the girl of his dreams - and even so, that he prefers the concept of the woman of his dreams to the girl of his dreams. In order to heal however, the grief has to take place and so, during that grief be consoled:

Psalm 34:

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Diversity of the Christian Sphere

This week has brought about an odd conglomeration of faith perspectives for me.  My week started with watching Lord of War for the third time and suddenly being reminded of how sick the subject matter makes me. The story is about gun trafficking but I don't want to get too much into its plot, you just need to watch it.  The question comes up, how do I reconcile these practices - and the complicity of my government in them - with my faith? On Monday I brought this up at a discussion/Bible study that we have with a Methodist campus ministry and we discussed violence, and the public role of the church.

Most people in the group are from the Miami area, a few of us are from other places.  These perspectives bring to light the differences geography has in our faith. Religion and church in Miami is not religion and church in the Bible belt is not religion and church in the Pacific Northwest. Religion and church in the western hemisphere is so far from religion and church in the eastern hemisphere.

Last semester I visited a couple seminaries, both were technically located in the Bible belt, but one seemed far more a stereotype of the Bible belt than the other.  While the Bible belt is believed to have the most churches per capita the Pacific Northwest is considered to be the most "un-churched" region of the country.  I seem to be much more at home in a town in which church attendance, much less belief in God are not assumed. http://www.usatoday.com/life/2002/2002-03-07-church-free.htm .  Naturally I found the seminary with the less "Bible-belty" feel to be a better fit.  The thing is while Jesus is my savior, and I uphold the authority of the Bible, there's something about the associated language that makes me cringe.  Again, perhaps it's a Bono quote that sums it up "Even though I'm a believer, I still find it really hard to be around other believers. They make me nervous, they make me twitch."

With this same ministry in which we have this discussion/Bible study we've been putting on what we call "The Love Campaign" (http://www.fiulovecampaign.com/ <--- Check it out. essentially God is love and we are endeavoring to show that love) coincidentally one of those crazy traveling preachers that likes to yell at everyone and tell them they're going to hell decided to show up on campus Wednesday and Thursday.  Generally I get the impression from the crowd he attracts that the non-religious amongst the crowd are fully aware that this man in no way represents the Christian faith.  On Wednesday however the situation seems to have been different.  What I have been told from a number of sources is that this time around there was a lot more hate in the air, not just for the man shouting but for the God he claimed.  While I don't take issue with this so much because if these people claim to hate crazy preacher man's God who doesn't sound much like the God I was raised to believe in, or read about in my bible then fine.  Truth be told these people probably weren't even yelling about his God either they were yelling about an oppressive god that was forced upon them.

In response to our professors comments about the preacher one of my fellow students in my senior seminar asked our professor what she believed assuming that she was an atheist.  The reality is that there is little she *doesn't* believe in.  Apparently the concept that Jesus is "the Way, The Truth and the Life" as he claimed and Hellenistic revival are silly, everything else is fair game.  She believes in a supreme deity following the spirituality of Judaism and Islam, but also in minor deities such as, and I quote, "Hindu gods and Catholic saints" yes, the saints that are not even meant to operate as deities in their own religion.  Not to mention that the concept of other gods is incompatible with Judaism and Islam.  I fully respect people who come to educated decisions regarding faith or the lack there of, but I guess I just fail to see how this is an educated decision.  By that token, fair is fair. She seems to find my faith silly, I find hers silly.  Perhaps what I found silliest about her faith is this insistence on rejecting a particular aspect of reality.  I suppose I cannot fault her, many a Christian that buys into the prosperity gospel accepts a religion that rejects this same piece of reality.  It is a truth we learn of in The Princess Bride... yes, the Princess Bride (Oh, the bible too - but I'm watching the Princess Bride right now).

Buttercup: "You mock my pain!!"
The Dread Pirate Roberts/Wesley: "Life is pain Highness! Anyone who says differently is trying to sell you something."

Unless we're talking about someone preaching the prosperity gospel ('you've been trying the square peg of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll but the only thing that's going to fill that hole is the round peg of Jesus' sort of junk) Christianity is not about suddenly having perfect happiness and "the good life".  If it were, can you imagine how Peter, Paul and Stephen would try to sell that? There were all Martyred, John was boiled in oil and Paul was routinely beaten and jail hopping prior to his conversion was when he had the good life which also happened to be when he helped out with Stephen's stoning.  Peter was crucified upside-down.  Now there's an ad for "the good life".  No, the gospel is about suffering, suffering with joy to be sure, but suffering.  Ideally Christianity should be seeking to bring about heaven through their suffering ("Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.") it's never going to be perfect on earth, but we are to take the vision of a better world and run with it fully realizing that it's going to hurt in the process.  My professor is in fact completely aware of this, and she doesn't like it.  Since she doesn't like it it couldn't possibly be realistic.  The faith she has adopted is much more happy and pleasant.  The more power to her, I don't think I could suspend reality like that. When she described this I genuinely wanted to stand up and shout "LIFE IS PAIN HIGHNESS!" but I kept it to myself.

In Washington sometimes my mere acceptance of a deity paints me to be "too conservative", in the bible belt I could come off looking like a hippie and then in Miami I would say that I live in a very little inhabited limbo - my theology can be too liberal and too conservative for many.  Yet I feel the equal tension of not wanting to be "lukewarm".  The weird part of Miami, for me, is that religious background is assumed.  I don't know many atheists or agnostics in Miami, but the ones that I do know were at one point raised in the church and potentially forced to go, their rejection of the church is more out of pain it caused.

My roommate asked me the other day if apologetics were more important in the Northwest because they tend to take the more intellectual approach.  My personal opinion is that apologetics aren't that important... ever.  Which perhaps isn't all that true, they're good for you.  Apologetics can help you understand what you believe and why you believe it, however they're never going to defend the faith to someone else because once you bring it into argument you've lost.

I'm open to being wrong on this, but I feel like what I learned from growing up in the environment of the Pacific Northwest is that I don't need to try to defend the faith, it can take care of itself. Whether someone believes or not is on them there seems little value in trying to intellectualize faith. Jesus doesn't need us to argue with people, he needs us to serve them.

Beta Video for the love campaign

If you check out http://www.fiulovecampaign.com you can see the event I'm working on this for.  It's not done yet, but I wanted to show it to people off of facebook so I had to make a post so I'd have a place to embed it.

Marathon Training Day 2: Ice baths and Inhalers Are Magic

So when I turned 23 on my birthday last week, it seems that my right hip turned 75.  Those of you in South Florida may notice a funny limp, and that I'm taking the stairs *VERY* slowly.  Although my hip is starting to feel better, now it's the left knee... go figure, that's the life.  After my run this morning I was praising God that according to my training schedule tomorrow is a day off, otherwise I might not be physically able to continue with this course of action, but as it seems by now (nearly 7pm) I think maybe I *could* run tomorrow if that was on the training plan, but I'm still ever so glad that it's not.  I'm still getting up early, but I have a couple papers to write so that's what I'll do instead.

I went in to talk to a doctor about my asthma issues yesterday and explained that I was taking up running again but wanted to make sure I could breath, and that it'd been a while since I'd trained regularly and told her about how hard it had been to breath etc.  She lectured me about how I'm not 14 anymore (I've certainly figured that much out...) so it was going to take some work, but she was amazed that I made it 3 miles.  I tried to explain that I didn't actually run the full three because I couldn't really breath and that I walked a good portion more than I would have liked.  Apparently it didn't matter.  So I guess when I say that I'm out of shape, what I mean to say is that I'm not in the shape that I want to be in.  I want to be in the kind of shape that means that getting up at 5am and running 3 miles is not going to earn me the nickname 'gimpy'.  But ultimately getting in shape is not enough of a motivator, I have to be working toward something, and so I'm working toward running a marathon, once I get one under my belt the next step is to work on qualifying and running the Boston Marathon.  Naturally I don't expect to qualify in my first marathon, the goal there will be to just finish, I'll worry about qualifying times later.

The Inhaler I was given by my doctor pretty much fixed the asthma issues, a couple puffs on that and I hit the road with a set of new lungs.  I'm figuring out however that it may not just be that I'm out of shape, but that my legs are used to running on softer material, trails, grass, etc.  Things not available where I live in Miami (between Downtown and the Grove).  So the past two days I've been taking ice baths as well.  These are much less magical than inhalers but they seem to work nonetheless.  For someone who gets as cold as I do, there is little more hellish than struggling through a 3 mile run/walk that was surprisingly chilly with an added wind chill factor only to get home and force myself into a bathtub filled with cold water and two bags of "Party Ice".  I remember going into the trainer at Wa-Hi back in the day and standing in the "Whirlpool" A big metal tub filled with ice water and a little thing on the side to keep the cold water circulating.  What do we learn from these practices? Runners are insane.  Nonetheless, my legs feel better than they did.

Now my roommate claims that she's no where near my shape, and perhaps considering that I've been raised in competitive swimming and was an accomplished distance runner in middle and high school then there are a lot of people not in the shape that I'm in, but I don't think she's doing too bad... check out her blog: http://epicyclesandellipses.blogspot.com/2010/01/on-running-er-walking-kind-of-quickly.html

Marathon Training Day 1: I forgot how much this hurts

I hopped out of bed with the enthusiasm of a five year old at Christmas when my alarm went off at 5am this morning, hit the bathroom, drank a glass of water and was on the road.  I ran swiftly through my planned route out toward the Rickenbacker Causeway along the trail underneath the metro-rail before finally turning and heading toward the Causeway itself.  The incline of the bridge is steeper than anything else one could possibly run in Miami but I took to it with ease...

And if you believe that, I might just sell you that bridge.
The one thing that can be learned from hitting the road again is that quite simply I am not in shape.  Not that the guy who drove by and yelled "You're already thin!!!" out his window would begin to comprehend that.  I've never needed to exercise to lose wait, I've always somewhat resembled a twig, however there was one point in my life that running 3 miles was easy and walking was never an option.  Today was not that day.  I did make it 3 miles, but for a good portion you could hardly call what I was doing "running".

Still, it was a glorious run.  If I can manage to drag myself out of bed I love being up that early.  By no means was I enthusiastic, but I was up at 5am and out of the house in short order.  One of the other things I had forgotten was just how hungry I get when I actually do this kind of thing, I had a pretty decent breakfast and I'm still hungry but I'm also on campus already, pretty much broke, and lacking a snack food stash.  I'm going to need to work on that.  The weather was kinda funky this morning, really windy, it rained on me a bit too.  Plus considering how early I got up the sun was still down by the time I made it back home.  At one spot on the run I stopped to stretch on the beach... yeah, I can run to the beach from my place... crazy I know.  There's plenty good to be said for beautiful sunny days on the beach, but I'm weird, I really like gloomy, melancholic weather, not sure why.  You could hear rumblings, and aside from the city lights the sky was completely dark and overcast.  The wind was obnoxious, but it wasn't against me or at my back, it just blew me sideways for a while and seemed loud and angry.  For me at least, it was a gorgeous morning.

The next step is stocking my fridge so I have a more filling breakfast, and snacks to keep me going through lunch and dinner as well.

Joy of joys, time for class, more later.

The Dangers of Facebook Preaching

I know this guy on facebook from going to a couple events with a particular Christian ministry at FIU over a year ago now.  I honestly don't think I've seen him since we met in Fall of '08, which apparently happens to be about the time he became a Christian.  There is a chance that he follows the link from my facebook and reads this, and if so - Hey! How's it goin'?

Frequently his status posts on facebook are concerning.  He writes with the zeal of a new convert, which more or less I suppose he is.  There's nothing wrong with his enthusiasm my concern has always been that he seems to get so wrapped up in the letter of the law that the spirit of it, God's love for His people, seems to sometimes get pushed by the wayside.  There's a quote from Bono that often pops into my head when I read these kinds of posts that goes something like this "Zealots often have no love for the world. They're just trying to get through it to the next."  Once when quoting this to someone else I was told that we are supposed to be "in the world not of it" and similar lines that seemed to forget how John 3:16 starts "For God so loved the world..."

Sometimes when I can't take it anymore I'll comment on these statuses.  A few days ago I commented on a status that wasn't offensive at all I simply wanted people to have clarity.  I get annoyed when people talk about being "Jesus-like" or trying to do something "biblically" because it sounds like the Christian thing to say but the reality is that they don't know what either of those things mean.  My roommate and I like to quote the line from the Princess Bride "You keep using that word... I do not think it means what you think it means."

I think I also get frustrated with the concept of Evangelizing only to "save souls" and move on because there must be more to our faith than simply believing the right things and following a list of "don'ts" God must be bigger than that.  So, here's my most recent discussion on this person's facebook page.  He never actually responded to me, a couple of his friends did though.  Truth be told, knowing him like this is good for me, it helps me to begin to articulate exactly what it is that I believe.  The people other than myself will only be identified with initials:

DJ:

Are you doing your job as a Christian? Jesus said, "You are the salt of the earth. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:13-16) Jesus also teaches us that we are to go & "bear fruit" (John 15:16) and to become "fishers of men" (Mark 1:17). The whole point of being a Christians is to make disciples of Jesus! GO EVANGELIZE! Souls are at stake!

Thu at 4:57pm · 

JS and 2 others like this

DJ:

Matthew 9:35-38

The Workers Are Few
Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Where are the workers?

Thu at 6:06pm

Maggie

What are the workers supposed to do? Are the supposed to preach? And if they're supposed to preach, how? With words or with actions? St. Francis once said "Preach the gospels always, if necessary use words." So if we preach with our actions what do we do. Living by a moral code is important, but if it's all we do then we'll simply appear self-righteous.

I think maybe the answer is in Matthew 25:31-45

Thu at 7:16pm ·

AM:

Some of the workers are still in the churches because they are controlled by leadership instead of God and/or they just don't have the faith to do what God has led them to do...We all need to seek God for his perfect will for our lives...I truely believe that God is raising up a generation that will serve him and cast down imaginations and stop traditions of men in Jesus name...

Yesterday at 12:41am

AM

To Maggie: The workers are suppose to spread the good news of Christ and live by the greatest example which is Jesus Christ..if God leads them to preach then they should be obedient or by any other means to bring people closer to Christ...I believe that actions speak louder than words, so if you have the word and is also a publisher of it than you are in his will...In the old testament, when it was prophesize that Jesus was going to be crucified and rose on the third day..Jesus kept his word by his actions in the new testament...

Yesterday at 12:48am

Maggie

You're missing my point. I agree with everything you said, but you're speaking in vague terms. OBVIOUSLY we need to abide by the greatest example which is Jesus Christ. What I am trying to ask us all to think about is what that means. What EXACTLY was it that he did? What EXACTLY should we be doing and how EXACTLY should we be behaving? "Like Jesus" isn't good enough, because if we don't define what that means, then it's easier to pretend like we don't have to go and befriend prostitutes, love tax-collectors (or other high and mighty financial crooks on the level of Berny Madoff). If we don't define what being Jesus-like is, or what living biblically means, then we'll never actually do it, we'll just keep talking about it.

Yesterday at 2:06am ·

JS

wow...gr8 point, Maggie! :)

Yesterday at 8:38am

AM

Ok..Jesus was obedient to God, which involved saving the Lost and restoring those that are believers from sin.. When Jesus was ressurected he left his holy remnant for us. which is the Holy Ghost so that we can continue to live for him...When Jesus was on the earth, he faced persecution, oppposition, etc..but he endured because he knew who he was..Today, many people don't know who they are, but when we truly accept Jesus, we can show love no matter what comes our way and live according to his word...

Yesterday at 9:20am

Maggie

Hmmm... You're still speaking "Christianese" until you can explain it in plain simple English it will not only be hard to live out, but it will be hard for a non-believer to understand.

I think what really concerns me is that you're focusing on a very small portion of the faith. Once you "save a soul" what then? They believe the right stuff and they follow a list of don'ts. Lots of Christians believe the right things, lots of Christians preach the right things but in Matthew 7:21-27 Jesus says:
‘Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord”, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only one who does the will of my Father in heaven. On that day many will say to me, “Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your name?” Then I will declare to them, “I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.”

"God's will" then in this verse is bigger than believing the right things as James tells us in James 2:19:
You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder.

As far as following the commandments we know that there are only two that Jesus is truly concerned with. Not because the others aren't important but because he was summarizing them. The first 4 commandments are about loving and honoring God, the last 6 are about loving your neighbor. So when Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is, he tells us this in Matthew 22:37-40:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.’

Through Jesus we know that loving God and loving our neighbor is more than having a feeling of affection for someone, you need to serve them, you need to spend time with them. In Matthew 25:36-45 which I referenced above Jesus says:
(ok, this is long one, too long for a comment box, so here:http://bible.oremus.org/?ql=131172627 )

The judgement depends on whether you lived out your faith and fed the hungry, clothed the naked, welcomed the stranger, cared for the sick, visited the imprisoned.

And yes, we are saved by grace through faith so that none of us can boast. This is true. We are saved so that when we go out to love people and share God's word through our actions we will not be sharing his word with a selfish motive to achieve our own salvation but out of genuine love for God and neighbor.
(I am passionate about this particular subject... I could go on)

I know some good connections where you can start going out and sharing the love of God if you need a place to start. :)

Yesterday at 10:09am ·

JS:

Preach, Maggie! =)

Yesterday at 11:01am

AM:

Ok..you were more in depth, I just mention the foundation, which should be the base of our faith...and when we seek first the Kingdom of God and all his righteousness..all these things will be ADDED unto you...God Bless You Maggie!!!:)

Yesterday at 12:45pm

This particular conversation turned out better than they usually do.  Once "DJ" posted something about abortion, which I am against, however because I suggested that it might be important to offer care for the scared mothers who found themselves in such a situation I was scolded be another person who felt that these women were simply suffering the consequences of their sin by having sex outside of marriage and it was not his responsibility.  I argued that as her brother in Christ it absolutely was because we are taught to forgive so that we may be forgiven. Sometimes I want to avoid dignifying just discussions with a response, but somethings can be hard to ignore.

I hit a cat... Happy Birthday...

So, nine years ago I had the worst birthday ever.  To be honest my birthday itself wasn't so bad, January 20th and even the 21st was alright. That week leading up to it, not so much.  The septic tank had backed up, dad had been laid off, my dog was hit by a car and killed, and a teacher had sent home a grade report (her maternity substitute having forgotten to record an entire chapter of homework and test scores) stating that I had received an 'F' in her class for the semester.  The year I turned fourteen was memorable at least.  I remember when friends showed up for the slumber party and I was simply hoping they didn't ask where my dog was.  Holmes, my dog, was only a puppy when he'd been hit and killed five days earlier and yes the rest of the week had been terrible but if somebody had asked me about the dog I think I might have curled into the fetal position.

When companies lay off their workers I wish they'd be creative and not do it in the winter because if they don't ruin Christmas for a family, well, they'll ruin my birthday.  It's not about the money, I don't need gifts.  I just get a little tired of bad news on my birthday.

As of last week my dad's job no longer exists. Two of my roommates (two of the best roommates I've ever had) have had to move out due to financial issues, and today perhaps 30 minutes ago, on my way home I killed someone else's family pet.  Driving down U.S. 1 I hit somebody's cat.  It was pretty, a healthy black and grey striped tabby and there was nothing I could do about it. I saw it jump out from the median and no amount of swerving or hitting the brakes would have saved it from its fate and knowing that my car weighs at least three tons and feeling the bump as my rear tires passed that spot, I know that cat didn't survive.  I was driving on U.S. 1 and even at 1am you can't just stop and check to see what that bump was and if it was ok, you have to keep going, lest someone hits *you*.

All of that said, it's not a bad day.  I can't do a thing about my dad's job or roommates' financial issues.  I couldn't have saved that cat.  For all I knew the critter was suicidal. We do know that Holmes just liked chasing lights, whether it was from a flashlight or a car's headlights.  The timing of that particular chase was unfortunate, but it happened.  The truth is, I happened to be born in January.  The start of the year happens to be a good time for lay offs, a time for companies to make a clean cut.  Financial issues come to a head at this point, issues with school and financial aid happen by the semester and January starts a new one.  When I was in middle and high school my birthday ALWAYS fell during finals week in my school district and that's when grade reports were sent out, January the year I turned 14 also happened to be the month that teacher found appropriate to return from maternity leave to start the new year fresh and, sure, her substitute had screwed up but everyone makes mistakes and it was cleared up, it made explaining to my parents rough but considering how terrible the rest of the week had been for me they were lenient.

The reality is, that if I was born in March, these things still would have happened in January.  My birthday wouldn't come into play.  In fact if my birthday came in March but everyone was still financially strapped because of what happened in January I would receive less sympathy than I do now because by March everyone would just expect me to be understanding of the situation.

It seems almost providential (considering my reluctance regarding Calvinism maybe I should find a different word...) that tonight at the God party we talked about finding meaning in our work, as I was also finishing "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" which is about telling a meaningful story with our lives, one people will care about when our end credits role.

When I die, and God and I talk about the life I led, what would it profit me to complain about being born in January?  If anything it adds a bit of spice to the story, and makes people amazed at how I didn't end up a Jehovah's Witness so I could avoid even trying to celebrate the day.

I have bigger stories to tackle.  For instance, over 2 years ago I said I was going to train to run a marathon.  Today I looked up marathon training plans for beginners (even though my pride told me I'm an intermediate runner, reality tells me I'm out of shape).  The longest training plan I could find (as in, the one that would allow for the longest possible training time) was 18 weeks.  I then went to marathonguide.com after counting out 18 weeks from this coming Monday (Monday is when the training guide starts) and found a marathon that will be held on that date.  So, Sunday May 30th 2010 at 7:30am I will run my first Marathon at Wickham Park in Melbourne, Fl.  How weird is it that the first Marathon available on that date happens to be only 3 hours drive from where I am right now?  I could probably go and just camp out the night before.  Though this won't only be the first marathon I'll ever run, it'll probably also be the most dangerous and just all around strangest.  For running it I won't pay an entrance fee and my only symbol of finishing will be the sense of pride I'll feel. Perhaps accompanied by the sense of shame that I didn't do the 50, 100 or 200 mile races because the marathon is actually the shortest race they offer.  No t-shirts are given http://www.mattmahoney.net/wickham/ but it'll be a good story to tell, and that's why it's worth doing.

What I learned as of late is this, I want to live a good story.  I want to live a story that even *I* would be willing to read, and lets be honest - I get bored easily.  I'm also really bad at starting things, and then following though with things.  Characters in stories need an inciting incident to *FORCE* them to change.  They don't just change on their own, something has to make them change.  Consider this my inciting incident.  Monday January 25th I begin training to run the Wickham Park marathon.  I've told you all I'm going to do this, now you have to hold me to it.  I'm going to blog about it, and if I'm not in shape on May 30th to run this race then my story will simply not be as happy as I want and y'all should be very disappointed.  Preparing for wickham park will be different than most marathons as well.  There are a couple water fountains on the trail, otherwise I will need to make sure to bring whatever else I need for the 26.2 miles.

Ok, I might run a different Marathon that weekend if I can manage to travel for one. The Coeur d Alene marathon is the same weekend.  Better climate, better scenery, and I might just be able to couch surf that one!

My first marathon is just a sample story though.  I'm working on the bigger picture.  More to come.

Courage to Start, and the Courage to Continue & Perhaps the Knowledge to Do Both

"Leave.
... It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed." - 'Through Painted Deserts: Light, God and Beauty on the Open Road' by Donald Miller

This blog comes after about a week of having too many muses to write about.  I have a number of half started posts tucked safely in a Microsoft OneNote tab, and none of which I could seem to finish.  Sure that's a symptom of ADD. A condition I have been told that I have by plenty of people qualified to know.  But ADD is not to blame for lack of follow through here.  They were all good starts that pointed to something else.

If everything goes as planned, and I'm awarded the appropriate transfer credit after hounding down old professors in Cheney for syllabi, as well as receiving a passing score on a CLEP test I will have completed all the coursework that I will need to do on campus in this semester, I will be able to walk at graduation in April and I'll complete the final nine credits online over the summer.  If all this is true, I have four months left in Miami according to the little counter I put on my Facebook profile I have about 107.5 days left. So I'm applying for seminary. It's the next step and it's my calling. God has made that clear, but I'm anxious.  I've been anxious for about a year and a half now.  I know I talk about how much I don't like Miami... I've even said I hate it on numerous occasions.  That wasn't always the case.  When those four months are up and I'm finally finished here, I won't be leaving Miami I haven't really been there for a while.  I left for Iowa a year and a half ago.  After that I went to Colorado and down to New Mexico and when the plane landed in Miami and the shuttle pulled up to the drive of the house I'd been living in for the past year I wasn't there.

My heart checked out of Miami some time ago.  Going back to the heat and humidity of Florida after hopping around the country, seeing farmland and playing with cousins, roadtripping from Denver, Co to Ghost Ranch in Abiquiu, NM and hiking, climbing, and camping along the way?  No, I never really came back.  So where I've been for the past year and a half is moving on.  I've just been waiting for my academics to catch up with me, and it looks like they finally just might do that.  It's not a bad thing that I checked out that long ago.  What I learned in my year working at Sweet Home was that I needed to commit to a place, and that I needed to finish school, picking up and leaving Miami wouldn't help in the long run and for all my complaining it's not such a terrible place especially with the right roommates.  I didn't want to be in Miami but I knew it was the right place for me for that time.  I wouldn't trade the people I've met here, good or bad, for anything.  I've been shaped by experiences that were never supposed to be a part of my mission year.  So I committed to stay for two more years, but I knew that just as I was called to stay I would also be called to leave.  So, 107 days and the counter keeps going down.  Not all those who wander are lost, I'll be moving on to the next thing still moving, but still not lost.


If I'm not really leaving, because I'm already gone... why the Donald Miller quote?  Why talk about leaving? Because:

• This week I picked up 'Through Painted Deserts' again and I intend to finish it this time.
•  I also saw the movie 'Romero' for the first time since I had to watch it for class last Spring.   I watch Romero and see a devout man of God advocate for his people and as a result he is mistaken as a figure head for a Marxist guerrilla movement and assassinated. He wasn't too different from the savior he professed.  A friend of mine on Facebook has put something like this under her political views: If Jesus ran for president he would be executed... oh, wait....  
• Then Product Red (one of the groups Bono is affiliated with) announced that Nike is joining the cause, which sounds great until considering the irony of Red's mission compared with Nike's business practices... same goes with Gap for that matter.  Companies discovered to use (or who have come out and admitted, but not repented, use of) child labor in sweat shops are welcomed into a cause that intends to try to eliminate poverty, the same poverty these companies perpetuate.  Isn't that what we're talking about when we say "Robbing Peter to pay Paul?".  
• Next the Nobel Peace prize acceptance speech was surprisingly militaristic this year.  A world leader who is accepting an award reserved for those in our culture who do the absolute most for peace, some taking vows of poverty, some are awarded it posthumously for the way in which they lost their life, and in this leader's acceptance speech for such an award he advocates war.  I realize the situation he was put in, but it would have been better and done more honor to the award had he chosen not to accept it.  
• Finally, there's a homeless man Sara and I see frequently when we head east on Coral Way back toward home, he has a dog that looks like a purebred boxer.  It's a beautiful dog in much better shape than it's owner.  For the second time since I've been back in Miami after the break Sara and I took him a warm meal and some hot tea, last time we brought him a can of dog food too.  Tonight Miami is pretty cold, cold for Miami at least.  With the wind chill it's about 40 degrees out, and we imagine that having a dog probably makes it hard for him to get into a shelter.A man without anything else in the world loves and cares for another creature so well that you could see any suburbanite family walking it on the street, and because of it he can't get a bed.

So many things seem so upside down.


So, Donald Miller tells me I should leave, in the most literal sense I will be and I'm preparing for that move.  That quote is much more like a call to action though.  I sincerely doubt I will ever be nominated for a Peace Prize, I certainly will never run a company (of moral practices or otherwise) that could produce anything for product Red.  I don't even think it would be wise to try to convince a shelter to allow pets, there are some very good reasons to not allow them.  All of this is symbolized in that road trip Donald Miller is talking about.  Leave, get off your butt, get out the door, do something.  The question is where to start, poverty in our own country and abroad? Human trafficking? The genocide in Darfur? Advocating for foreign aid to prevent war so we won't need it for damage control? (I don't accept the concept of just war, but I'm not a pacifist.  I believe that war sometimes becomes necessary to clean up messes we could have prevented and I do think that applies throughout history.) Mother Teresa once said that we can do no great things, just small things with great love.  What would that look like? How would that start? Do I have the courage to start that journey?  Even if I can get out the door, how do I keep going?


I'm incredibly independent but frequently I think the catalyst to get me to jump, to just get up and leave is a traveling companion someone else who is also willing to throw caution to the wind and come with me.  But I'm not alone, I've never been alone.  Sometimes it's just hard to live into that faith.


Just the thoughts rolling around, I wanted to leave you with a scripture and prayer that mean something to me.



(Psalm 73:21-28 NRSV)When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant; I was like a brute beast toward you. Nevertheless I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me with honor.Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire other than you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Indeed, those who are far from you will perish; you put an end to those who are false to you.  But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, to tell of all your works.






May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart


May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace


May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy


May God bless you with foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor


(Franciscan Blessing)