'God is near to the brokenhearted'

In the last couple months, friends and even a family member have experienced a loss in one capacity or another. Be it death, or the disintegrating of a relationship. At this moment I feel so removed from that sort of grief.  There was a season in my life where that sort of grief was not preeminent, but it was ever present.   I mean to say that the losses were not my best friends or immediate family though they were, of course, still significant and seemingly constant.


I've heard that we don't truly start processing death until our thirties, as if the possibility becomes more real then. Maybe that is true, but when I was in high school it felt pretty real.  Just about once every month (or so it seemed) I would be donning the dark clothing and heading off to someone's funeral.  I can tell you this, death does not care how old you are, what you have done with your life, if you are ready, if your family and friends are ready, it just does not care.  The idea of someone dying too young is simply ridiculous, we die when we die.  Not to diminish the hurt or the loss, but the reason we measure infant mortality rates is because such a rate exists.  During that time in my life it could have been anyone. The guy who would say 'hi' to me every morning that I would just ignore because I was trying to act all 'holier than thou', until one day he wasn't there because he collapsed on the football field and never woke up.  My friend's younger sister who always just seemed really annoying.  An old babysitter, a teacher, that sweet lady I always talk to in church but can never remember her name - even though she felt like a grandmother to me.  All the way through my sophomore year of college when my own grandmother died along with two women who had been like grandmothers to me right at home.


Open caskets are the worst.  I remember going to two funerals in which parents chose to have open caskets for their teenage daughters who had been undergoing chemo when they died.  Who does that? Who wants everyone to remember their child as that weak, frail, hairless body? At best the undertaker makes them look like plastic as little old ladies file by muttering to each other "Well, she looks nice, doesn't she?" all the while you want to scream "NO! She doesn't look nice, she looks DEAD!"


Truth be told, the people who had cancer or leukemia were easier to handle.  It's the random aneurysm and freak accident that get to you.  The healthy athletic guy who sits next to you in 6th period having a sudden heart attack.  By chance he actually lived, to tell the truth, but I'm under no illusions that it would not have been possible for him to die.


Then, for someone else, there is the girl of his dreams who has a dark secret her family never told him about because they thought, with him, she was turning over a new leaf. Sadly, they were wrong. (Wait are we still talking about death?) To quote P.S. I love you there's a Mother/Daughter conversation between Holly (Hillary Swank) and her mother Patricia (Kathy Bates):

Holly: "My husband died. He was taken. He didn't wanna go, he didn't wanna leave."

Patricia: "Yes, my husband wanted to leave. And it's so much easier being abandoned by choice, is it?"

I recall a man I knew in church opening up during a meeting when we were asking for prayer requests asking for prayer while he was in grief over his divorce. It was a long time coming, but as he expressed the finality of the ending of the marriage felt a lot like a death. While death may not care about age, grief doesn't care whether the person is still alive, or if they betrayed you.  The loss still hurts, and you still grieve.

What is important about loss and grief, is who you become on the other end. How do you intend to let that shape you?

I grew up to learn that that guy who collapsed on the football field was someone who, as a Christian, I should have sought to emulate rather than looking down my nose at him. I learned that even the annoying kids are worth something, and how important names are not just to the people they belong to. My "other grandmothers" taught me the value of adopting others into my family. Though it was regrettably through their passing, I learned a great deal about my teacher's lives that had far more value than academics, rather I learned about living life as a responsible and loving human being.

When the pain subsides, that guy will meet woman and wonder how he possibly could have thought that other girl was the girl of his dreams - and even so, that he prefers the concept of the woman of his dreams to the girl of his dreams. In order to heal however, the grief has to take place and so, during that grief be consoled:

Psalm 34:

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.